"Didn't you even wash your hair after?"

So I went to a party last night, and Mum went out on the razz with the usual crowd.
We came home at the exact same time, Mum dragging a semi-conscious ScottishCarrieBradshaw and me carrying a wig and a pair of socks.
And we had a nice chat, me, Mum and ScottishCarrieBradhsaw's paralytic body....
And Mum is so going back out with ShreddedWheat.
Words cannot...
I can't even verbalise...
OMFGGG
Oh and ScottishCarrieBradshaw woke up every time you said GrubbyLondoner's name, so we had some fun.
And mum told me a story ShreddedWheat told her today, I refused to acknowledge it.
They're so teen aged, the mind reels.
Over.

"stop looking so femminine, I may become attracted to you"

Oh and another thing, LongTallAuntie is being like....sued or something.
Well, not sued, not at all..
DisgruntledUncle is wanting to get some money or stop her getting money or spaghetti and honey or something...
She's being made to sell a house or whatever...
enter legal jargon here....
So yeah it' wayyyy stressful over there... and LongTallCousin also has gossip in her own life but no one wants to hear about that now do they?
Over.

"I have a normal accent, you have a gross one that private school forced on you"

So ok, I know I haven't updated in like forever and I apologise profusely.
Er, abit of stuff going on but it's all very confusing ad it's just ScottishCarrieBradshaw having a huge paddy over not very much....
So, ExFarmersWife went down to see the GrubbyLondoner yes? TheFarmer has been paying, like, ex wife support since they divorced a trillion years ago, seems as ExFarmers wife sits on her arse all day buying shit off QVC.
So, through the grapevine TheFarmer heard about ExFarmersWife doing a little dogsitting down in London, for a little money we hear. TheFarmer knows he can perhaps pay abit less than like the millions of pounds he has been paying to ExFarmersWife due to this little bit of info.
OK, we all following?
TheFarmer calls GrubbyLondoner to ask if he knows anything about this, as he talked to ExFarmersWife recently. GrubbyLondoner was apparently a megabitch to hin on the phone and basc. told him he knew nothing and he wouldnt tell him anyway because he smells blah blah blah...
So now, ScottichCarrieBradshaw had abit of a fret as she thinks GrubbyLondoner will think that she's a bitch and a gossip for telling TheFarmer about the dogsitting fiasco.
Which he won't he won't give two shits.
OH
and now the word on the street is that ExFarmersWife and GrubbyLondoner could be having a little fling ehh? Just like, speculation but still...no smoke without fire and all that old jazz.
Oh, and the whole MarriedMrNiceGuy thing is officially over, i overheard Mum telling one of her friends that i cba thinking up a nickname for right now.
She dumped him by text or something, DAAAMMMN THAT'S COLD.
SarcyOlderSister is coming home from Uni soon, for Crimbo.
My friend was saying, "Your mum's gonna miss you so much when you leave for Uni too."
I replied "she's got ScottishCarrieBradshaw, she'll do. She's like a teenage daughter, with more angst."
I'm so true man.
Over.