"I'll show you my piss flaps..."

So it's my 16th birthday today guys, that makes this blog less remarkable, a 16 year old blogger isn't as good as a 15 year old blogger. You'd think I would too busy having sex and riding mopeds to blog.
There's not alot of gossip I'm afraid.
Mum has seen MarriedMrNiceGuy again definitely. She was on the phone to him the other day but she din't think I could hear her. But who knowws whats going on there...
ScottishCarrieBradshaw went down to London to see him, didn't come back when she was supposed to sooo.....?
Hmm not much going on ATM but obv I'll keep you posted.
Over.

"Don't you go crossing any bridges now"

Just got back from holiday with Dad and SarcyOlderSister, it was goood, AND I found out some more info.
So the night that ExFarmersWife gave us a visit, Dad, TheOtherWoman and ScottishCarrieBradshaw were with her. I heard that she went out, with only a trenchcoat and underwear on, in an attempt to entice TheFarmer (!). WTF??
She honestly never fails to amaze.
I also have more info on ScottishCarrieBradshaw and TheGrubbyLondoner. When they met up the other week, he had previously promised to introduce her to all his London friends and show her a jolly good time. He did no such thing, he saw her and said hi, then just abandoned her.
When they met up the next day, he said he wanted to be alone until he knew if he wanted to be alone (?).
He's also texted her, like yesterday, asking her to come down to London to see him. I wish I could say she won't but ah well, she's her own woman.

ShreddedWheat keeps calling Mum, she ignores some of them and answers some. She's obviously hard to get over...
He called today to ask when he could give his key back, whyyy?? Did he need to say? Couldn;t he just post it through the letterbox like a normal person? And why is he so keen to ask permission now? He didn't seem too bothered about that the other week when he just let himself in at midnight. FFS.
Mum is in contact with MarriedMrNiceGuy. Apparently he's "married, technically". And it's all innocent too, according to Mum. Hmm....
I'll keep you posted.
Over.

"Did I just hallucinate?"

So last week, ShreddedWheat decided to drop by to tell Mum how much he still loved her or something.
Didn't exactly do it in the right way, let himself in (yes the door was locked, he has a key) at around midnight on a sunday night, drunk. Asking to see our mother. We refused, obviously.
He then left Mum a 10 minute answermachine message which told her that she needed to stop messing him around (!). And then just gave a nice journey through the taxi drive home and his arrival.

Yeah. As if that wasn't enough.
So last night, ExFarmersWife came round at around the same time and in quite the same state. She had been out for a curry with Dad and TheOtherWoman but "couldn't handle it" so had left early. Poor woman. She then ran into ShreddedWheat and smacked him. Why? We know not.

Mum lost her mobile phone last night so was forcing me to text her friends (so i found out she was flirting with a married man last night who she claimed "was a really nice guy").
ScottishCarrieBradshaw met GrubbyLondoner last night and apparently this didn't go well. Mum didn't tell me much but it all ended in tears.

Told MotherNextDoor (next door neighbour and friend of Mums) all of this, she instructed me to write this blog, had a nice chat about it while walking around Ikea, she bought me a hotdog and everything.

Oh, AND GrandmaFag called someone a Paki today.
You can't make this stuff up man.
Over.

Meet the parents.

Home life is a tad dysfunctional, but you know, I couldn't function in any other environment.
I am writing for prosperity, mainly on the subject of my family and extended family.
I'll give you some background info on my situation.
So me and SarcyOlderSister live with Mum (the main focus), 3 years ago Dad had a midlife crisis and left Mum for TheOtherWoman. Previously Mums best friend.

LongTallAuntie recently left her husband, DisgruntledUncle, for many reasons, the main trigger being a new man whom she recently married, TheWholeShabang.
LongTallCousin is my age and has little drama, as is always the way with the teenage daughters of divorcees.

ExFarmersWife, is the ex-wife of Mums friend TheFarmer (obv). A little unhinged and drained the farmer for all he's got during the divorce. Defends Mum ferociously, but isn't always entirely called for. Had breast cancer, but constantly uses it against TheFarmer and everyone else who "does wrong by her", she's very scary.

GrandmaFag is Mums mum. Means well but quite obviously disapproves of our modern lifestyles, can be a tiny bit racist.

ShreddedWheat is the very recent ex-boyfriend of Mum, a total knob but never did anything too outrageous to Mum, won't admit he's wrong and has the tendency to abandon people in the middle of a conversation for reasons unknown. Has a shit car.

ScottishCarrieBradshaw is Mums best friend, constantly being screwed over by men and is a little irresponsible with money. Far too nice to be treated so badly. Also best friends with TheOtherWoman, occasionally causes problems. Was dumped by her ex, GrubbyLondoner, about 3 years ago. He claims to still love her, she's been being messed around by him ever since the break up.

BolshyIcecreamLady is Mums new close friend, a full on man eater, jobless but a lot of fun.

More will be added if the situation arises. But this is the main cast i reckon.
Mum told me not to put her business on facebook.
But this is a small town, people talk.
Over.