"Did you actually see the docking?"

ScottishCarrieBradshaw went on another couple of dates with her new man-known to his friends (of which I'm sure he has many) as fast Eddie-and appeared to enjoy her self!
She didn't come home until after 4am on saturday, which resulted in a hysterical phone call from her daughter to Mum...at some crazy unGodly hour.
Mum is still wasting her time with ShreddedWheat, with his shit car...OMG he has the same car TWICE hahahahaahaha its some stupid unbranded red sports car with a personalised licence plate.
LongTallAuntie and her new husband have sold their B&B and plan on moving into his house sharpish, which everyone is very happy about.
Besides GrandmaFag, she worries.
SarcyOlderSister is home and all is sweeet.
OH and ExFarmersWife texted Mum, Dad and ScottishCarrieBradshaw asking how they were and stuff, they all seemed to...avoid her a bit.
Poor woman, she's great, why can no one see this?
Bet she won't take too well to being ignored....let us hope there will be mischief. On Christmas day, like a soap opera...
Over.

"I think my track marks are beautiful"

And i forgot to tell y'all the other day...
ScottishCarrieBradshaw went on a date, with someone that WASN'T the grubbyLondoner, IS from our town, IS age appropriate....and LIKED it.
could this be a breakthrough?
let us pray.
AND LongTallAuntie vs. DisgruntledUncle has been postponed...to sometime or other...
and she has accepted an offer on her B&B, not enough but basc. she's desperate to get the fuck out of there.
Getting pretty psyched for SarcyOlderSister's return in like...just over a week.
so if you're reading this...
HURRY UP
:)
over.

"What's a little talk of climaxes over pizza with friends?"

So the other week I went out with the Father figure on wednesday as per. But just before, I noticed 2 little tuna steaks out to defrost in the kitchen...whatever could this mean?
I asked Mum what she was having for tea (presented a little opportunity to confess) and she just told me "tuna nicoise".
So blatantly having ShreddedWheat over.
So when I came home, I saw his shitty car on the drive, so called SarcyOlderSister-so I basically told on her- that his car was here.
She texted Mum asking why his car was here.
Mum texted me saying "Btw, me and [shreddedwheat] are going out for a drink, so you might see his car at ours"
OMG AS IF
she texted me AFTER she knew I knew!!!
THAT SO DOESN'T COUNT AS TELLING ME!

Geez, whatta douche!

AND on sunday night i came home from a little soiree, was just chillin on the sofa...
and in walks Mum and ShreddedWheat.
I give her my best withering look and she says "don't look at me like that"
"don't give me a reason to."
then i went to bed.
like a good girl.
THEN she kept me up until 1:30 in the FUCKING MORNING playing loud music with her boyfriend.
how teenaged is that? surprised she didn't shimmy down the drainpipe and hop into his shitty car to go to the arcade and smoke weed.
So I was obv. major tired and woke up at 8:10 the next day when I have to be at college for 8:50.
that was a speedy morning i tell you.
She bought me a skirt that day to make up for it though, can't beat a bit of bribery on a monday afternoon.
Over.

"Didn't you even wash your hair after?"

So I went to a party last night, and Mum went out on the razz with the usual crowd.
We came home at the exact same time, Mum dragging a semi-conscious ScottishCarrieBradshaw and me carrying a wig and a pair of socks.
And we had a nice chat, me, Mum and ScottishCarrieBradhsaw's paralytic body....
And Mum is so going back out with ShreddedWheat.
Words cannot...
I can't even verbalise...
OMFGGG
Oh and ScottishCarrieBradshaw woke up every time you said GrubbyLondoner's name, so we had some fun.
And mum told me a story ShreddedWheat told her today, I refused to acknowledge it.
They're so teen aged, the mind reels.
Over.

"stop looking so femminine, I may become attracted to you"

Oh and another thing, LongTallAuntie is being like....sued or something.
Well, not sued, not at all..
DisgruntledUncle is wanting to get some money or stop her getting money or spaghetti and honey or something...
She's being made to sell a house or whatever...
enter legal jargon here....
So yeah it' wayyyy stressful over there... and LongTallCousin also has gossip in her own life but no one wants to hear about that now do they?
Over.

"I have a normal accent, you have a gross one that private school forced on you"

So ok, I know I haven't updated in like forever and I apologise profusely.
Er, abit of stuff going on but it's all very confusing ad it's just ScottishCarrieBradshaw having a huge paddy over not very much....
So, ExFarmersWife went down to see the GrubbyLondoner yes? TheFarmer has been paying, like, ex wife support since they divorced a trillion years ago, seems as ExFarmers wife sits on her arse all day buying shit off QVC.
So, through the grapevine TheFarmer heard about ExFarmersWife doing a little dogsitting down in London, for a little money we hear. TheFarmer knows he can perhaps pay abit less than like the millions of pounds he has been paying to ExFarmersWife due to this little bit of info.
OK, we all following?
TheFarmer calls GrubbyLondoner to ask if he knows anything about this, as he talked to ExFarmersWife recently. GrubbyLondoner was apparently a megabitch to hin on the phone and basc. told him he knew nothing and he wouldnt tell him anyway because he smells blah blah blah...
So now, ScottichCarrieBradshaw had abit of a fret as she thinks GrubbyLondoner will think that she's a bitch and a gossip for telling TheFarmer about the dogsitting fiasco.
Which he won't he won't give two shits.
OH
and now the word on the street is that ExFarmersWife and GrubbyLondoner could be having a little fling ehh? Just like, speculation but still...no smoke without fire and all that old jazz.
Oh, and the whole MarriedMrNiceGuy thing is officially over, i overheard Mum telling one of her friends that i cba thinking up a nickname for right now.
She dumped him by text or something, DAAAMMMN THAT'S COLD.
SarcyOlderSister is coming home from Uni soon, for Crimbo.
My friend was saying, "Your mum's gonna miss you so much when you leave for Uni too."
I replied "she's got ScottishCarrieBradshaw, she'll do. She's like a teenage daughter, with more angst."
I'm so true man.
Over.

"Is it a chinese man?"

Mum did something hilarious last night.
She and ScottishCarrieBradshaw went into Leeds for early doors, and went for some tapas to line their stomachs.
They were in the tapas bar for a while and had a few drinks.... and then forgot to pay for their meal ahahahahaahahaaa
They came home on the train and forgot to pay, they went all Thelma and Louise on their asses.
LOL
ScottishCarrieBradshaw crashed out at ours last night, and had abit of a wail about theGrubbyLondoner...
And Mum got a call from ShreddedWheat officially asking her out again, but she was like "Call me when I'm sober."
And that's the end of that chapter,
Over.